Tuesday, December 19, 2006

How to Feel Like an Ass

Did you ever get out of bed and sense a bad day coming on? Nothing really bad happened, just this weird feeling of impending agony and abounding crankiness. That was me yesterday – I chalked it up to PMS and my burgeoning Christmas to-do list and prayed the kids would be good so I could avoid any bad-mommy-moments.

#1) After cutting fresh strawberries and bananas into their Cheerios, I got in the shower. (Net Mommy Points = 0 / +2 for fruit and –2 for not being showered before they woke up.)
Wolfie comes in saying Mattie is letting all the cold air out of the fridge. I tell him to send her in. She says she wants juice. I tell her to get her milk cup and show me that it’s gone (thinking it’s not and then she would finish it instead) and then I would finish washing her cup and give her some juice. True to her recent form (hating to wait) she begins to whine, cry and stamp her feet. I send her to her room and go to get dressed listening to her scream. When she finally calms down, I ask her if she remembers why she started crying and she does, “Cuz I woonent dwink my miwk.”
Back in the kitchen, I see “END” flashing on the microwave. Puzzled and confused, I open it to find both of their milk cups FULL of milk! Ugh. Negative 10 Mommy Points for me.

The kids are actually being okay though – a little exuberant maybe – but basically good. We go to Jewel and they don’t really fight over the cart selection for once. Wolf enjoys metering out a few coins for the Salvation Army guy, even though I showed him I had plenty of quarters and told him he could give all the coins in his wallet if he wanted. Ah, ‘if’ – maybe I shouldn’t have made it an option. Later I’ll find out he thinks he’s paying the man to say ‘Merry Christmas’! Thanks, Grama. I felt rather accomplished at getting through our shopping without a stop in the bathroom, even though I had to go myself. [Don’t tell anyone about the ride home though. I sat in the intersection waiting to turn left, watching the oncoming cars but not the lights – I noticed they were red when I was halfway through my turn…]

Back home, Wolfie and Mattie couldn’t wait to get out in the yard to play with their new 2/$3 foam dart guns. By all means, I think to myself. The more they stay away from me the safer we’ll all be. Looking back now I wish I had thought this through a bit further.

They came in just half an hour later (it is December afterall) and Wolf sat down at the PC and I got a Curious George episode started for Mattie.

Mattie settled in to watch her precious George and perhaps a quick glimpse of Gnocci (or Pinocci as she calls him in her imaginary play skits.) Partway through the show she yelled out, ‘Mama, I made a little pee in my underwear – but I stopped it!’ (proudly), and she ran to the bathroom to finish going potty. “Whew, that could have been much worse” I thought as I took her underwear and rinsed them in the sink. She was in a hurry to get back to George and refused to put any pants on. “Whatever! Who really cares if she sits bare-assed to watch TV for a bit? I’ve got to get dinner started.”

Sometime later Mattie started dancing around in front of the bathroom door saying she had to go potty. “Go then!” I yelled around the corner, up to my elbows in Palmolive. The next thing I hear is Mattie saying, “Mama, I'm peeing and I can't stop!” as I round the corner to see her standing over her puddle of pee on kitchen floor! Evidently, she really had to go but went upstairs for that bathroom stool to reach light in the downstairs bathroom so she could see the stool in there! I got mad and you could really hear it in my voice when I asked “Why? Mattie why??”
“Oh!” she laughed, “I don’t know Mama.” I got a little madder and the whole when-are-you-going-to-take-this-potty-training-thing-seriously discussion ensued, ending with my sending her to her room while she cried hysterically.

Later at dinner when Grama had arrived to escort us to the Manor, Mattie grabbed my face and kissed me as I was trying to feed her (getting a bit more exasperated with each bite.)
"There, did that make you madder or nicer?" she asked.
“Nicer.” I replied feeling suddenly very conspicuous.
Mattie threw her arms around me flamboyantly and said, "You're forgivable." She hugged me a great deal harder and said, "Oh Mama you're so forgivable!!"

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