Thursday, May 26, 2005

Monotony and Flow

Why do I feel like I’m missing it? The kids’ childhoods are just whizzing by in front of my face while I’m buried in laundry and dishes. It seems like every time we step out of the house it somehow deteriorates by the time we return. A few fun activities with the kids and I spend the rest of my time getting the house back into semi-shape. It’s so unbelievably draining. I just feel like I clean all the time and now gardening season is upon us, with weeds that grow a foot a day!

When I was at work I had more time to reflect on this whole parenting thing – time away to miss them gave me time to have complete thoughts about them. Now, by the time I think of something to write I have to jump up and kiss a youchie or get some juice or whatever and then the thought is gone. Maybe I should dig out the paper journal again for a while. I guess if I had a job writing, I would make myself sit down and write instead of cleaning or checking e-mail…

Mattie at the Zoo was great. She got really excited just seeing the animals, especially the elephants. She loved brushing the goats in the childrens’ zoo and probably would have stayed for hours if I didn’t see a goat pee a big puddle of pee and then turn around and drink it! No splashing in those puddles please! Wolfie was just so happy to sit in Liam’s wagon with him – not that the thrill of the zoo is gone, just the thrill of independence rings louder in his little ears.

I suppose another issue is the hospital (or hostable as Wolf calls it). We’ve been going there almost every day for 2 weeks now to see Granny. She smiles so brightly whenever she sees her great grandchildren. It's really the only thing I have to give her, so I bring them as often as I can and struggle to keep them ‘entertained’ for the 30 minutes or so that we can stay before I lose it. ‘Let’s All Go to The Potty’ is a great game we play almost every visit. Public potties are Wolf’s newest obsession – wherever we go he has to go – and that’s a request you just can’t say no to, isn’t it?

Struggle is an interesting word – so much of my current existence feels that way. At what point in my SAHM career will things begin to actually flow? It’s hard to get even the daily necessities completed – groceries are a struggle. I thought I had it down, until potty training. Now, at any moment the shopping experience MUST be put on hold to answer the call, “Mama, I have to go POTTY!” And run, don’t walk to the potty, it’s always on the opposite side of the store from where we are. Our last trip was quite special with Mattie joining in the potty fray and me without a diaper. As I turned toward the bathroom, I got a whiff of the smell from the cab – Mattie had definitely made a diaper and I left the bag in the car. I even steered down the diaper aisle and thought of buying a pack, but they weren’t on sale and I knew I had a whole megapack at home. So, how cheap am I? Well, after we got Wolf handled, I put Mattie up on the changing platform and dug right in there with a huge wad of toilet paper. Well, several wads of paper since this was the corn diaper. Corn at dinner always yields a rather full diaper peppered with the swallowed-whole stuff sometime around 12 hours later. I walked right into Jewel with a ticking time bomb, unarmed. Is that my problem? Do I create my own struggles by thinking it should be easy?