Wolfmom

Testing: Do not lose heart...

2011-03-17T08:11:00.000-05:00

¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, ¹⁸ while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18, New King James Version)

Success?

New Website: Juice Plus+ Facts

2010-05-27T09:02:00.000-05:00

For all the juicy details...

Juice Plus+ Facts

Museum Adventure Pass Program

2010-05-23T20:13:00.000-05:00

Go to your library, check out a pass to a museum, garden or zoo for free or buy one-get one deal. Too cool!!

Museum Adventure Pass Program

Double Dog Dare - Borders - Books, Music and Movies

2010-05-15T19:22:00.000-05:00

Double Dog Dare - Borders - Books, Music and Movies

This could make a person really, really lazy...

Testing 'Add This' : CurrClick

2010-05-13T07:39:00.000-05:00

Just wanting to see what 'Add This' does to my blog with this link to FREE curriculum.

CurrClick

Mattie: "Wolfie's hair smells really good."
Me: "Well, he took a shower today. You should too."
Mattie: "Yea, but what shampoo did he use?"

Mother’s Day Crafts: Blogger Edition 2010 eBook | FaveCraftsBlog

2010-04-28T07:41:00.000-05:00

Don't forget Mom! >^.^<

Mother’s Day Crafts: Blogger Edition 2010 eBook | FaveCraftsBlog

See Real!!!

2010-03-19T16:01:00.000-05:00

Have you seen this deal on Post Cereals at Jewel? They are on sale for $1.59 and if you buy 4 you get a coupon for $3.00 off your next shopping order (buy 5 and you get a $4.00 coupon). That’s 84 or 79 cents a box!

Adventures in Vegetables

2009-11-24T20:14:00.002-06:00

I just ate a spinach salad and I loved it! ‘So what?’ you ask. Well don’t tell anyone, but I was not born a veggie girl, especially if ketchup and French fries don’t count. To be honest, there was canned corn, peas and green beans, but I only ate them to fulfill the clean plate requirement my parents set before the ice cream goal. I really couldn’t say I enjoyed them (and don’t even get me started on the step-monster’s frozen lima beans!)
So how did I come to eat raw spinach and thoroughly enjoy it? I had kids and I wanted them to be healthy. I had kids and my hypocrisy convicted me that I must change. How could I encourage them to eat a healthy diet if I was still gorging on chips and salsa? Everywhere I looked ‘healthy’ meant eating fruits and vegetables. I groaned inside. My stomach turned. I did not want to eat the way I knew would be healthy for my kids. Still, I was determined and I started by just making sure we all ate at least one fruit and one veggie a day, every day and built slowly from there – very slowly. I tried lots of different methods and still use these:
1 – INDULGE: If there happens to be a fruit or vegetable that you already like, eat it – A LOT! In fact, eat the heck out of it. Add it to everything you put in your mouth. Try preparing it in as many ways as you can. Eventually, you’re going to get bored and start yearning for another veggie to like.
2 – ADD: Gonna eat something? Sneak a veggie in it. If you’re having spaghetti, add a can of diced tomatoes or some diced onion or zucchini. Having a salad? Add another variety of lettuce or spinach! Think you won’t like it? Try the kid-tested baby bite – whatever you’re adding, chop it super small. Adding works for breakfast too, add some chopped or sliced fresh fruit to your cereal just like they show on the box.
3 – SWAP: Does your family have a favorite meal or dish that you make repeatedly? Try swapping ingredients to make it healthier. Our PB+J’s are now made on whole grain bread with natural peanut butter, low sugar jam and fresh or freeze-dried sliced fruit in the middle. Just don’t try to swap everything out all at once or you’ll have a mutiny on your hands – baby steps people, one ingredient at a time. I actually mixed real natural peanut butter with Skippy ‘natural’ for a couple months before switching to real alone (and I’m defining real as peanuts are the only ingredient.) Switching to fresh or frozen vegetables from canned requires some extra cooking, salt and butter, which can all be eased up on later once everyone gets acclimated.
4 – TRY, TRY AGAIN: If you have a child, I know you’ve asked, ‘How do you know you won’t like it unless you try it?’ at least once. When was the last time you asked yourself? Tastes change over time and the body has an amazing capacity to crave what’s good for it. Once you start giving your marvelous machine the nutrition it requires to run, you’ll be amazed at what starts tasting good to you. So try new veggies and fruits from time to time and try ones that you remember not liking as a child too. Fix them in an exciting recipe that looks good to you and you’ll be pre-motivated to like them. For kids they say it may take up to 15 exposures to a food before they enjoy it, so keep offering.
5 – GET HELP: Our help is a whole food supplement that fills the gap between our diet and the recommended 7 to 13 servings of fresh raw fruits and vegetables every day. I like having the assurance of knowing the nutrition is already there no matter what else we’re able to eat.
Remember though, that every healthy bite you take is a step towards your future health, so don’t give up. Just set your goal to try every day and give yourself a pat on the back for every serving you do get. You’re doing more than the majority of average Americans.

Sultry Carmelized Tomato Salsa

2009-08-21T06:58:00.004-05:00

"Roasting tomatoes concentrates their flavor to a rich dark essence that is a mystical experience for tomato addicts." ~ from The New Vegetarian Epicure by Anna Thomas

My recipe is an adaptation of Thomas' 'Roasted Tomato Sauce' (mostly because I did it from memory, forgetting I had printed hers off the internet in 1998!) If you're not lucky enough to have a bumper crop of tomatoes in your backyard, check your local farm stand for bruised and reduced tomatoes. Klein's Farm Market (on Route 20 (72) two miles west of Randall Rd in Udina, IL) sells theirs for 99 cents a pound and some of them aren't even bruised, just ugly!

10 lbs. Very ripe (or over-ripe) tomatoes, any variety (I used beefsteaks + plums)
1 Sweet onion
1 Red or Yellow bell pepper
1 Tablespoon minced garlic (or more to taste)

Peel and chop the tomatoes into chunks about 1". For peeling, some recipes call for the blanching method (cutting a cross in the bottom of each tomato and submerging in boiling water for one minute, then into cold water to 'slip' the skins off.) My tomatoes were so ripe, once I started slicing them the skins peeled off pretty easily without all the mess of the water bath. Be sure to catch all the juice by chopping over a bowl or placing your cutting board in a tray. This is most labor intensive part of the recipe and I did it over two days, placing the first batch of chopped tomatoes in the fridge until the rest were ready.

Dice the onion and pepper to a small size, about 1/2" or so. The tomatoes will melt into a soft carmelized paste, leaving the onion and pepper to provide a bit of texture.

Toss all of the ingredients together, including the tomato juice and spread evenly over two large baking sheets with edges. I used my lasagna pan and it held all 10 lbs. nicely, but it may have increased the roasting time.

Carefully place in 350 degree oven and roast for 3 to 4 hours, stirring once after the first hour and then every 30 minutes or so. If you use two baking sheets, you'll need to transfer the salsa onto one sheet once the liquid starts to cook away and watch it carefully. The goal is carmelized not burnt. It's done once most of the liquid is gone and you're left with a soft thick paste.

Now what to do with it? Oh my! Thomas suggests to serve on pasta, with rice, on pizza, with polenta, in soups, in a quesadilla, in an omelet or alongside anything that goes well with tomatoes. I use mine on basically everything I eat until the sad, sad day it's all gone.
Here's yesterday:
Breakfast: soft boiled egg chopped and topped with sultry salsa. I think woke up in too much of a hurry to get to eating the salsa. I mean, it's good with eggs and it was good here - heck it's good with a spoon! But next time I'll try an omelet with a bit of cheese and maybe some basil.
Lunch: Salsa Roll-ups - tortilla spread with cream cheese, sultry salsa, bacon bits and a bit of shredded cheddar. The creaminess of the cheese played well off the savory salsa, leaving a very pleasant memory on the tongue. ...think I'll have another.
Dinner: Salsa Salad - baby spinach and romaine lettuces, chopped red pepper, 2 tablespoons of salsa and a teaspoon or so of ranch dressing (actually it was really good with just the salsa, I just wanted to see how it would combine with the ranch. So, viola, a fat-free dressing!)

One thing I purposely did this year, was to leave spices out of the recipe. Adding one slice (roughly half dollar size times 1/2") of Fresh Ginger Root gives carmelized tomatoes an aftertaste like the twang of barbeque sauce. My kids don't like that particular kick so I skipped it. I might try placing a small slice in a container of salsa in the fridge and see what happens. Same thing goes for basil and salt and pepper - I suppose you can add anything later.

Also, this does freeze quite well. I put it in those Ziplock plastic containers and hide it away in the bottom of the freezer. Sometimes I still have one left in October. Hmmm, maybe I'll make it again with the Ginger - I think I need a bigger freezer. If you try it, do let me know all the things you do with it. >^.^<

Blown Away

2009-08-14T08:06:00.003-05:00

I was reading Job 38 this morning where God answers Job's 'why me' with a barrage of questions and I got to verse 31 -

³¹ “Can you bind the cluster of the Pleiades,
Or loose the belt of Orion?

³² Can you bring out Mazzaroth in its season?
Or can you guide the Great Bear with its cubs?

³³ Do you know the ordinances of the heavens?
Can you set their dominion over the earth?

(Job 38:31-33, New King James Version)

Wow! I had always thought that the Greeks named the constellations (probably from watching Harry Hamlin in Clash of The Titans one too many times). This is one of the many reasons I'm loving homeschooling - I get to reschool MYSELF! And evidently I have a great deal more to learn. I hope and pray that I am able to teach my children to consider and weigh facts and ideas - thinking for themselves, drawing conclusions in their own minds and not simply accepting what is presented.

Someone Stole my baby!!

2009-07-17T08:11:00.004-05:00

I always kind of expected my baby image of my son would be gone with that first front tooth, but I never imagined being startled when I looked at him - filled with pride and love sure, but also surprised to see the boy he's become.
That dark little hole in his smile is the physical manifestation of his growing independence. He's got thoughts and feelings that are completely his own now - a total person in his own right.
Now what do I do with my little collection of spurned incisors? I suppose one goes in the scrapbook?

All the Pics in a Slideshow!!

2008-12-19T16:01:00.001-06:00

Scroll down to the bottom of the page to see all the latest kids pics in a slideshow. It's small here but I think if you click on it you'll go to Picasa where it will be bigger.

Home!

2008-12-01T08:54:00.000-06:00

Come home, come home,
You who are weary, come home;
Earnestly, tenderly, Jesus is calling,
Calling, O sinner, come home!

What makes this our home? It’s not that it was built with our own sweat and struggle, though that is a miracle in itself. This is the place where we will take our refuge from the world and knit ourselves closely together as family, deliberately purposing to follow Christ.

The Lastest Pictures from Target

2008-11-16T08:25:00.000-06:00

Wolfie and Mattie had so much fun at their photoshoot at Target. I wish I had as much fun trying to decide which pics to buy! E-mail me or leave a comment for a link to the full set. >^.^<

Sharp Dressed Man

2008-10-13T07:59:00.002-05:00

I'm so thrilled with my children today. They are turning out so wonderfully no matter what my consuming worries are. Wolf asked Grama for some ‘gentlemen clothes’ meaning a suit and tie. He wore it to church on Sunday and everyone thought he was going to a wedding. Mattie put on one of her new dresses from Auntie Rose to match. We decided that he needed to wear his suit to the Manor to visit Grandma Olga because she would love it. We actually cut our annual Stades Pumpkin Farm and visit with the O’Neill’s short a bit to get home to change. Mrs. O’Neill gave us some flowers from her garden for Granny.

When Wolf walked into the manor in his suit with those flowers in his hand, every head turned. Every single lady he walked past made a comment about how handsome or sweet he was – you could tell they were secretly wishing he was coming to see them. It’s too bad that Granny was facing away from us as we walked down her hall. When he got to her though, she was thrilled speechless to see him and know he was there for her. She sputtered out, “Oh! I love you!”Everyone loved Mattie too and said she was adorable in her dress, but Wolfie was the show-stopper. Grama told me Grandma Olga had bought Uncle Michael a suit every year when he was a kid. No wonder she loved it so much. We sat in the activity room which has windows onto the hallway and all the ladies kept walking by and peeking in at Wolfie. At bedtime, I told him he made everyone’s day very special today and he was genuinely happy with himself. It felt so good to me to finally see him satisfied. I just hope it’s not all tied up in the suit.

Our Favorite Recipie

2008-09-15T08:07:00.000-05:00

I took the kids into Jewel with me and in the canned veggie aisle, I noticed our favorite tomatoes were buy one get one free. They’re Red Gold brand petite diced olive oil and garlic flavor and we call them ‘magic tomatoes’ because whatever we add them to seems to taste incredible (even salad!). These tomatoes created the Tiki Taco base dish and I said we should make it for dinner. Mattie and Wolfie started chanting, ‘Tiki Taco Dilla, Tiki Taco Dilla’ to the conga line beat like we usually do at home when we're making it. All the ladies in the aisle were laughing, but quietly and to themselves. Funny that no one asked me for the recipe though. Here it is for you:

Tiki Taco Dilla Mix
1 pound ground beef
1/2 packet Taco seasoning mix
1 can Red Gold Petite Diced Tomatoes, Olive Oil & Garlic

Brown ground beef and drain. Sprinkle Taco seasoning liberally and stir to coat beef evenly. Stir in tomatoes and heat about five more minutes.

The Options:
Make Nachos with it (tortilla chips, cheese & sour cream)
Make a "Pie" by layering with cheese and flour tortillas
Make a casserole with mix on the bottom, then some cheese and cornbread mix
Make Quesadillas
Make 'hamburger helper' by adding cooked pasta

If you think of some more, let me know.

Sunflowers

2008-09-09T08:59:00.000-05:00

At bedtime Mattie asked me if God made just one sunflower or a whole bunch. I almost responded with ‘God makes all the flowers’ when I realized what she was really asking. Wow! Her brain just amazes me. Later I asked if she had talked to God that day and she said she prayed for the rain (at Grama’s filling the backyard) to stop and she forgot to fold her hands and it ‘worked’ anyway. This led to a discussion of God not being magic and granting wishes, but helping us to get things for ourselves. We also talked about the good gifts God does give and how they last forever. Such deep discussions with my FOUR-year old -

Summer Kids 'Stories'

2008-07-25T08:54:00.000-05:00

At Grama’s Mattie was having trouble doing something with Grampa and said. “Where the heck is my brain today?”

On 7/4/08 at the Bville pool with Auntie Dee Dee: she wanted to see Wolf go down the slide and he said it was too cold / he didn’t want to / etc. She said I don’t think you can do it / I’ve never seen you do it. He said, Yes I can! And went toward the slide, stopped and came back to ask her: “Do you believe God created the world? (yes) Well, you didn’t see that so why can’t you believe I can do it without seeing me do it?”
Auntie Dee Dee said she knew she was in trouble when he mentioned God.

Wolf has recently decided to call Papa, Dad instead. Papa would rather be Papa and asked him not to call him Dad. So Wolf said, “Okay, Bob.”

At Lonestar for Grama’s birthday lunch, they put a loaf of dark bread on the table and Mattie exclaimed, “Chocolate bread!?” Then after she and Papa had been discussing the cactus decoration next to the table, she decided, “I know why there’s a cactus! (points to a cowboy boot on the menu) they have lots of cowboy stuff here!” Then, after we told Wolf and Mattie that their lunches came with ice cream, they both began sort of chanting, “It’s my ice cream and I want it NOW!”

Some Mattie-speak: We’re supposed to go to lava surf planet and Wolfie is not on the rocket ship. I want to find the key to open the door to the secret jewels. The pirahnna’s are buckled already and there’s a creature I wanted to find. The lava dinosaur is on that planet. Sorry I have to go now, I have to get on the rocketship and I bet the other pirahnnas are coming.

A Fool for Love

2008-04-02T16:11:00.001-05:00

Last night, at bedtime we were watching Spiderman at Wolf’s request. The scene ended and Papa said ‘that’s it.’ Wolf calmly asked if he brushed his teeth quickly could he see some more and Papa said no, it’s bedtime. Amazingly, Wolf accepted the answer, and without pouting or crying, “Awww!” he went to brush his teeth! (WOW!)
I said, “You want to have time for snuggling don’t you?”
“No,” he answered, “I’m too old for snuggling.”
“What?! You’ll never be too old!” and I went to grab him.
He started up the stairs and looked back laughing, “April Fool’s!!”
WOW! Look at my big enjoyable boy! I just love him, still!!(The night before, he woke up around 11:30pm to go to the bathroom HIMSELF!!)

Planning and Parenthood Don’t Mix

2008-03-11T07:55:00.001-05:00

So many subjects to cover and so little grammar to deal with it all! Yesterday was a hard day for me, having been full-time, full-on Mama going on two weeks without a sleepover at Grama’s or a Mom’s day out. I salute everyone who’s full-on all the time – God Bless You! I don’t know how you do it. I guess I’ve adapted to (read: come to depend on/thrive on/SURVIVE on) Grama’s breaks so much that I can hardly function without them.
Our day usually goes a bit like this: We wake up, have a bit of blissful snuggle time where the kids come to me straight from bed and kind of finish waking up in my lap (my favorite part of the day!) Then it’s on to the eat-drink-dress circus where I tend to do amazing feats to get them to accomplish these three simple tasks. Try this feat: repeat yourself in a loving voice, every time! Next it’s get Mattie to pre-school, with a secret goal of Wolf being dressed instead of waiting in the car in his PJ’s but don’t tell him that – I try to be very casual about this one-time emergency strategy not turned everyday habit. Finally Wolf and I return home and begin school by 9:30 a.m. (the major benefit of Mattie in preschool!)
At 6 years old, school is really just reading, writing and math, plus we have Bible time and science in observing the world around us. Sounds pretty simple, right? Five subjects at 15-20 minutes each should really be done before we pick up Mattie at 11:30 a.m. NOT! I don’t think it has ever happened. Wolf claims to not like school other than Bible time (we’ve had many discussions of the public school alternative, but he remains less than positive.) So wherever we happen to be in Wolf’s school schedule, we stop and go get Mattie at 11:30 and then the real fun begins!
Try this next feat: Juggle these priorities while modeling a good attitude – the boy’s schooling (be sure to keep learning fun to avoid rebellion!), keep your house semi-presentable (afterall you are home all day), sort and pack items to move, clean and stage your house for a quick sale, nurture your daughter’s creative spirit by helping her act on her ongoing series of varied ideas for games and crafts, and encourage your children to love each other, playing harmoniously together. (Wow! I actually DO all that! – No wonder I’m exhausted!)
When Bob came home early last night to work on Wolf’s car for the Awana Gran Prix, I kind of dragged my defeated little self and Mattie out of the house to visit Grandma Olga and hit the Walmart on the way home. Turns out even just the one-child ‘break’ did wonders for me. Mattie and I had fun; I came home refreshed and Bob was amazed – so was I.

Happy New Year!!

2008-01-01T07:30:00.001-06:00

Of all God's miracles on Earth, the one I still like best is seeing the sweet peace of my sleeping child's face. Even if the only reason I get to see it is because he's on the couch after a middle-of-the-night accident because we gave him a whole can of 7-Up after 9:00pm!

Happy New Year!! He got to celebrate and now I get to swoon in the glow of his special still beauty. I think I'll go sneak in to see my daughter now too.

The Latest Pictures (from Target)

2007-11-14T12:52:00.000-06:00

I have to say that I'm pretty happy with our latest photo shoot, from Target. Their e-mail option was much faster than Penneys and the electronic images are huge by comparison. The service was top notch too. I haven't picked up my prints yet, but I'm sure they'll be great. Write me if you want the link to the full set. >^.^<

The DOTS The DOTS The DOTS

2007-11-14T07:19:00.000-06:00

Don't you just LOVE this picture? I can't believe I know these guys - total stars!!

Don't forget to watch The Next Great American Band - this Friday and every Friday!!!

My Girlfriend is ON TV!!

2007-10-24T07:02:00.000-05:00

I need to tell the world one of my dearest friends is on TV and needs your vote. If you knew me for any length of time, you would have heard me talk about Little Lisa - she taught me how to play bass, encouraged me to sing when I stopped playing bass, stood up in my wedding, played at my graduation party...

Now she plays bass for Dot Dot Dot, the hardest working band in Chicago and they're on TV!!! Here's some info:

Friday October 19 a new show from the producers of American Idol called The Next Great American Band aired. Dot Dot Dot made it to the top 12 and will be on the show Fridays on FOX 8pm Eastern / 7pm central. There are many great bands on the show. Please tune in to Fox on Fridays and make a difference, VOTE!!! If you want tickets to the show, they are free - here is the link: http://www.ocatv.com/shows/show/165
Check out these websites:
http://www.myspace.com/dotdotdotonline
http://dotdotdotonline.com/
Here's a link to a review of their music:
http://alienhits.blogspot.com/2007/10/dot-dot-dot-take-that-away-im-sorry-to.html

Tune in this Friday - if you can't watch the whole show, be sure to catch the last 10 minutes for the wrap-up and the telephone numbers to vote for your favorite band. Vote with your heart (I'm sure it will be for Dot Dot Dot!!)

A Glimpse into My Unpublishables

2007-08-17T21:13:00.000-05:00

Here's a small slice of my Summer writing, in case you were wondering what we've been doing - five minutes at a time and spelling shortcuts!

7/18/17 - Guess who said this: Oh Man! I'm peeing on the rug!

Wednesday, August 08, 2007 – 9:06 a.m.
Wolf woke up at 7:15 today, a full hour earlier than usual. I should have known, since he was talking about it last night at bedtime – he said he’d sleep in the car on the way to the museum. It’s like he willed himself awake and unfortunately I absentmindedly rewarded it with Power Rangers cuz I wanted to take a shower. He has just never liked to sleep.
Mattie is some kind of savant crack-up. She asks these extremely valid questions (told check your clothes for stains and if you don’t find any put them here on the table to wear again: ‘where do I put them if they have a stain?’). Today she made a droid out of mega-blocks and he happens to make coffee because she loves it. And another creation is his helper who adds the peanut butter! Ha! Hmmmmmmm…..

8/14/07 - On the way home from Petland (just browsing) I asked what their favorite pets were. Mattie said the fish (would you believe they sell Pufferfish for $599.99?) and Wolf said the blue bird in the front of the store (parakeet). Mattie then changed her answer to bird + said she'd name it Coke. Isn't Barbie's bird named that? 'No! It's Coco!' said Wolf. Wolf then said he was naming his bird Diet Coke!

Thursday, August 16, 2007 – 10:25 a.m. – Today’s game is called ‘Ninja Pantry’ created from their recent love of Pucca and spurred on no doubt by my request that they put the groceries in the pantry. Wolf emphatically ordered, “Buy something else Ninjas! Don’t you know how expensive Waffle Mix is?” And immediately afterward they all go upstairs to make waffles!

Happy Belated Christmas

2007-01-30T17:08:00.000-06:00

December 13th Photo Shoot - a little late to get them out for Christmas...

How to Feel Like an Ass

2006-12-19T07:57:00.000-06:00

Did you ever get out of bed and sense a bad day coming on? Nothing really bad happened, just this weird feeling of impending agony and abounding crankiness. That was me yesterday – I chalked it up to PMS and my burgeoning Christmas to-do list and prayed the kids would be good so I could avoid any bad-mommy-moments.

#1) After cutting fresh strawberries and bananas into their Cheerios, I got in the shower. (Net Mommy Points = 0 / +2 for fruit and –2 for not being showered before they woke up.)
Wolfie comes in saying Mattie is letting all the cold air out of the fridge. I tell him to send her in. She says she wants juice. I tell her to get her milk cup and show me that it’s gone (thinking it’s not and then she would finish it instead) and then I would finish washing her cup and give her some juice. True to her recent form (hating to wait) she begins to whine, cry and stamp her feet. I send her to her room and go to get dressed listening to her scream. When she finally calms down, I ask her if she remembers why she started crying and she does, “Cuz I woonent dwink my miwk.”
Back in the kitchen, I see “END” flashing on the microwave. Puzzled and confused, I open it to find both of their milk cups FULL of milk! Ugh. Negative 10 Mommy Points for me.

The kids are actually being okay though – a little exuberant maybe – but basically good. We go to Jewel and they don’t really fight over the cart selection for once. Wolf enjoys metering out a few coins for the Salvation Army guy, even though I showed him I had plenty of quarters and told him he could give all the coins in his wallet if he wanted. Ah, ‘if’ – maybe I shouldn’t have made it an option. Later I’ll find out he thinks he’s paying the man to say ‘Merry Christmas’! Thanks, Grama. I felt rather accomplished at getting through our shopping without a stop in the bathroom, even though I had to go myself. [Don’t tell anyone about the ride home though. I sat in the intersection waiting to turn left, watching the oncoming cars but not the lights – I noticed they were red when I was halfway through my turn…]

Back home, Wolfie and Mattie couldn’t wait to get out in the yard to play with their new 2/$3 foam dart guns. By all means, I think to myself. The more they stay away from me the safer we’ll all be. Looking back now I wish I had thought this through a bit further.

They came in just half an hour later (it is December afterall) and Wolf sat down at the PC and I got a Curious George episode started for Mattie.

Mattie settled in to watch her precious George and perhaps a quick glimpse of Gnocci (or Pinocci as she calls him in her imaginary play skits.) Partway through the show she yelled out, ‘Mama, I made a little pee in my underwear – but I stopped it!’ (proudly), and she ran to the bathroom to finish going potty. “Whew, that could have been much worse” I thought as I took her underwear and rinsed them in the sink. She was in a hurry to get back to George and refused to put any pants on. “Whatever! Who really cares if she sits bare-assed to watch TV for a bit? I’ve got to get dinner started.”

Sometime later Mattie started dancing around in front of the bathroom door saying she had to go potty. “Go then!” I yelled around the corner, up to my elbows in Palmolive. The next thing I hear is Mattie saying, “Mama, I'm peeing and I can't stop!” as I round the corner to see her standing over her puddle of pee on kitchen floor! Evidently, she really had to go but went upstairs for that bathroom stool to reach light in the downstairs bathroom so she could see the stool in there! I got mad and you could really hear it in my voice when I asked “Why? Mattie why??”
“Oh!” she laughed, “I don’t know Mama.” I got a little madder and the whole when-are-you-going-to-take-this-potty-training-thing-seriously discussion ensued, ending with my sending her to her room while she cried hysterically.

Later at dinner when Grama had arrived to escort us to the Manor, Mattie grabbed my face and kissed me as I was trying to feed her (getting a bit more exasperated with each bite.)
"There, did that make you madder or nicer?" she asked.
“Nicer.” I replied feeling suddenly very conspicuous.
Mattie threw her arms around me flamboyantly and said, "You're forgivable." She hugged me a great deal harder and said, "Oh Mama you're so forgivable!!"

If You Give a SHE a Routine

2006-11-17T00:55:00.000-06:00

Here is my Flylady bedtime story called, “If You Give a SHE a Routine” inspired by true events. Props to Laura Numeroff and her ‘If You Give a Mouse’ series of children’s books, which evidently I've read too many times.

IF YOU GIVE A SHE A ROUTINE…

If you are late getting into the shower in the morning, your son will wet his bed.
And when you go to rewash his just-cleaned-yesterday sheets, you’ll be compelled to add some other laundry to make it a full load.
As you go to empty the hamper onto the bedroom floor, you’ll notice your hubby’s sock crumb trail leading up to it and remember you wanted to run the vacuum.
After you run over the sock crumbs ten times and they still don't move, you’ll realize the bag is full.
So you’ll look around for the bags you finally picked up triumphantly on errand day and your toddler will cry out that she wet herself.
After you change her clothes, you’ll rinse her pants in the sink and leave them there because the other load is already spinning.
When you stop to reward yourself with a fresh cup of coffee, your toddler will yank the grill off the fridge and demand to retrieve both sets of magnet letters she’s been stuffing under there for the past year.
The savage dust bunny army guarding the letters will send you running for the vacuum.
You’ll find it in the bedroom puking its dirty guts out all over your floor and you’ll remember you were looking for the bags.

Here’s hoping you get to bed at a decent hour.

Summer Hugs

2006-08-23T07:23:00.000-05:00

Summer lives on at our house while the rest of the world is busy with getting back to school. What absolute joy to be home with these two! I can't imagine prying myself off of them to send them off to school. Wolf had a 3 hour Park District Camp one-day-a-week and I could not believe the sunken feeling in my heart each time I dropped him off. Mattie would say, "but I don't hab a bwudder," during his absence. We both missed him terribly!

Summer’s Twilight Dance

2006-07-10T07:17:00.000-05:00

Wolfie and Mattie’s excitement over lightening bugs is fresh and fevered – my heart swells with pride as I watch them with Papa from the kitchen window in the darkening grass carpet of our yard. The first few nights, every tiny glowing ember they catch sight of fascinates them and they run arms outstretched to be near it, but catch it, no too wriggly – that’s Papa’s job. I totally agree, IMHO allowing a bug to sit on your hand is well, don’t tell Wolfie, unthinkable! And each night, EVERY NIGHT for the past week, they hurry outside thrilled with the opportunity to try again. Last night they each caught several; carefully stalking forward arms bravely outstretched then with prey in sight pulling back with timid hesitation. Wolf tries very carefully to hold what he seems to not want to touch. Mattie’s strategy is to grab with abandon, but eject with glee the moment she feels the creature’s slightest movement. Luckily before bug catching got left off my parental resume altogether, I discovered my garden kneeling pad is a great tool. You simply raise it up under a flying glow and the bug sits right down on it for you – no touching required. This also works with a sleeve pulled over your hand.

Our raspberries are ripening every day this week too and we have yet to bring a single one inside – all berries get eaten right in the patch. The first day we picked any, Mattie liked them so much she almost had a tantrum right in the garden. Instead of flailing around on the rock path though, she slapped her thighs with both hands and repeated, “I - want - more - raspberries!” I finally had to feed her an unripe one to get her to understand there really weren’t any more! Picking edibles from the yard seems to carry its own special thrill. The kids have also been busy with gooseberries and currants. A few days into the currant’s ‘season’ Wolf got a bit tired and sat on the bench while Mattie kept picking gooseberries. I guess he felt like his productivity was down, because (from the bench) he kept telling her to pick ‘my currants’ too.

We’ve begun our summer routine of swimming as much as possible now that our pool is up. Playing lifeguard gets easier each day as Wolfie and Mattie take to the water. I didn’t think 2 ½ feet of water could help them learn to swim but they’re both developing swimming skills like holding their breath, floating and moving. They love to jump off the side of bigger pools we visit – even without water wings at the Bensenville (public) pool. The application of sunscreen is always challenging, but we slather on SPF 50 and they STILL get tan! Mattie has tan lines on her feet from her surf shoes even!

PRIDE OF PURPOSE

2006-06-30T07:09:00.000-05:00

While lunching with a friend the other day, a small skirmish broke out over one of the grubby sand toys in Joe’s Sand Lot. I got up from the table and quietly dispensed my standard ‘play nice or don’t play’ rule and Wolfie and Mattie went off to play nice again.
Impressed, my friend said, “You handled that well. I would have lost it.”
“It’s early.” I replied and we both had a good laugh.

When I am rested, refreshed and on task it’s so easy to be Wolfie and Mattie’s Mama. The best part of being home every day continues to be our morning snuggle. Imagine, me! I am the first place they go when they open their little eyes. They climb on my lap to cuddle and rest their heads on my shoulder while they finish waking up.

In my finest moments, I have the pride of purpose, following my strongest desire to be fully present in each moment with my children, comforting them, loving them, supporting them, to be that one place they can count on as a soft place to land. It is then that I swoon with love for them and feel blessed to be answering this higher calling.

But then there are those other ugly moments when I can’t seem to see past amassing pile of dishes, the hampers puking dirty clothes out their lids, when I seem to spend my whole day stuck on the cook-feed-clean-repeat cycle. In those moments I can’t bear to hear another ‘Mama’ out of either one of them and I respond sharply “WHAT?” which sometimes is enough send Mattie to tears. Those days I question my very ability to mother, keep a decent house, walk and chew gum at the same time. I’m still trying to find a way to quickly snap myself out of those moments. Sometimes, a self-imposed Mama-time-out is all I need to come back with a fresh perspective. Some days it takes repeating.

I read a news bulletin about a study reporting that verbal abuse hurts kids psychologically almost as much as physical and the damage lasts into adulthood – is this really a surprise to anyone? I do understand how child abuse happens and I know its seed is in me. I’ve felt it pushing against its skin threatening to germinate and pop into my language. I’m not surprised that I can control this darkness, but more mortified that I even need to. Now don’t go fearing for my children or calling DCFS on me – it’s not like that AT ALL. I’m only writing here about understanding the inner-workings of a parent gone wrong, understanding the speed at which parental boiling points are reached. It takes so much more effort to discipline your child into wanting to do what pleases you, than to simply force or scare them into it.

‘Because I said so, that’s why.’

Pony Tails!!

2006-04-12T08:03:00.000-05:00

Can anyone resist a little girl in ponytails? It's a good thing Mattie hasn't realized their power yet - she kept these in for a full two hours last night.

I can't believe how easy it is to insert pics in blogger now - our family site may never get updated now.

Mattie has met her computer!

2006-03-01T08:00:00.000-06:00

As if we don’t have enough chip-heads in our little family here, I introduced Mattie to the concept of working the mouse herself. She’s been keenly watching Wolf at the PC and clearly wanting to get involved but she hadn’t made the mouse-makes-it-work connection. I set her up on the Fisher Price site for Tap and Color, where pressing any key fills in part of a picture with a color. She only had to click the mouse to move to the next picture. That was just a couple weeks ago and she’s already moved on to click-and-drag on Grama’s regular mouse as well as our trackballs!
That does add a whole new dynamic to our household though. Mattie came screaming into the kitchen, “I want BOOBIES!! I want boobies Mama!” “What?!” I probed for a little clarification (I thought I had years to prepare…) “I want boobies on the computer Mama!” she specified. “Oh, BooBAHS Mattie.” Thank goodness I exhaled and talked Wolf into giving her a turn. Mattie has a definite will of her own and when she gets an idea that she wants a particular thing or activity, she’s not very likely to let it go. I’ve given my own PC over several times already to avoid hearing her and Wolfie shriek, ‘I want it!’ I think I remember Wolfie ‘taking off’ at the PC too, just waiting to be set free of our laps. Mattie’s kind of like that only at a slower pace, like she wants to really master a particular activity before moving on to something new.
Her entertaining cuteness continues to abound. The other night at dinner she leaned over and kissed my cheek saying, “There Mama, I gave you a kiss.” And no sooner had she sat upright then realized, “Hey! Where’s MY kiss?” And now there’s computer twospeak: Mattie whines, “I want to go on the computer!” because I just told Wolf he could. I tell Mattie I will let her use my computer. “Oh! That would be good!” she smiles with escalating excitement, “I could go on your computer and you help me. That would be GOOD!” Giggle, giggle, giggle – from BOTH of us!

Vasoweene!! That’s my faaavrit!

2006-01-31T07:53:00.000-06:00

Life with Mattie is very busy and extremely FUN! She is our little entertainer, always ready with a joke, dance or story to make you laugh. She loves attention as long as it’s not too much too fast – if she gets overwhelmed she hides her face in my legs (thighs- she’s really tall!) Everything she does is amusing and cute – I could write all day long, so it’s odd that I haven’t. I’ve been quite busy enjoying her.
She loves to dance to any music, but especially music she can control like the white bear that plays ‘Jesus Loves Me’ to a calypso beat. One night before bed, she skipped around me cheering, “Dance, Mama. Dance!” Another day at Jewel, where she thrills to the freedom of getting in and out of cart at will, she got out in the cleaning aisle and grabbed two toilet plunger bottoms and started marching and crashing them like cymbals. Mattie just cracks me up!
We went sledding and I sent Mattie speeding down the hill in the baby sled – her feet stick out quite a bit. “Look out below!” she yelled from the bottom. Who tells her this stuff? And her little twospeak language is so adorable I have to consciously ignore it to get anything done. She cranes her head towards you so she can speak directly into your face and make sure you’re listening to her, “Oh! Dat wud be esseyeding.” Or, “You have to wear gloves to go out in the shnow.” And the favorite, “Vasoweene!! That’s my faaavrit!”

Revisiting Mother's Love

2006-01-22T06:48:00.000-06:00

I suppose it's an appropriate time to go back a bit as I did want to wish the universe well for the holidays. Yet I didn't really get a chance to write something new for real-life friends, let alone e-ones. The post below began it all. It's hard to believe how much time has passed since, but I have the sick four year old upstairs in my bed to prove it.

A sick child is a profound exercise in motherly self-control, isn't it? Not just in trying and re-trying your disappearing vapors of patience, but it's also a challenge to corral your worst-case-scenario-creating imagination. Wolf has a cough which started a little over a week ago (after almost a week long break from the left-over cough lingering from his last cold.) Each of my parents was diagnosed with pneumonia - Grama was not hospitalized, just given a prescription and sent home. Wolf started coughing the day after spending an afternoon with Grama.

I've read all I can on coughs with no fever or other symptoms and EVERYTHING says not to worry. Yet when your sleep is interrupted by the sound of your child hacking and hoarking in the night, that small still voice says, 'LIFE is temporary.' You feel so relieved that his coughing did not wake his sister and even more relief when it stops. But when you get up to go to Jazzercise and think, 'wow I haven't heard him cough since 2:00 a.m.' that small still voice repeats, 'life is temporary.' Then you imagine in the farest, smallest, most obscure recess of your heart that something HORRIBLE has happened (so horrible I can't even write it, so how do I come to think it so often?) And you wonder how you'll be able to live with yourself knowing you traipsed off happily to Jazzercise while your first born lay in his bed...

Then the bedroom door opens and my groggy got-up-way-too-early boy comes to me for his morning snuggle. I greet him with fervored 'YOU'RE ALIVE!' hugs and kisses which he seems to just accept. How does a kid love a psycho-mom again? Do all moms think this way?

A Mother's Love
I have not really known love, until now. In my son I have found a part of myself that I never knew existed. It has the same warmth and affection as the love I feel for my husband, family and friends, but it is far more intense. The love I have for my son is truly unconditional and that is why I’ve never felt it before. No matter how I have professed to love in the past, I have always been prepared to abandon that love if it was not reciprocated or somehow ceased to benefit me. The love I have for my son will continue until I draw my last breath, whether or not it is returned and regardless of whether he deserves it.

Today my son is six days old and I cannot bear even the thought of his death without feeling the intense pain of it. And I cannot even comprehend taking the life of my son by my own hand for any reason, even to spare the life of my husband or mother, let alone to spare the life of someone who hates me. Yet this is what God has done for each of us in Christ, His Son who is far more precious and unique than any earthly son could ever be. I don’t think that concept has ever been so clear to me.

Cyber Void

2005-11-20T17:02:00.000-06:00

A month of PC deprivation and my routines are just shot! Not that I was actually doing whole routines, just that I had them and hoped to complete them! My computer is still not completely whole yet also, so any moment it could be ripped from under my fingernails. Save. Save. Save!!!
I have to get back to my goals and FOCUS PLEASE!! Ok, so what are they again? I know I wrote them before – I just love copy and paste!
SAHM goals:
MOTHERING - Less Yelling PLEASE! - I have to stop this!
HOME SCHOOL – Research and select curriculum. Set up space.
HOUSEKEEPING - Declutter excess. Put everything away. Keep it clean.
WEBSITE – Post pics EACH month and send e-mail notice
SCRAPBOOK– Continue to work on physical scrapbooks (baby books)!
WEIGHT - lose remaining pregnancy weight.
GARDEN Goal – Weed, restore and maintain.
It looks so simple listed like that. And, I have made some progress since I first wrote those goals back on June 5th! That really amazes me because my attitude is always asking: why can’t I get anything done around here? Maybe deep inside I feel like I should have all this extra time because I’m home – really like everything should be perfect now. Or maybe the daily BLISS of being home with my kids can never match my surroundings, so I’ll always feel better than things look? Satisfactory would be plenty (i.e. It’s good enough for ya.)

Reasons to Be Cheerful

2005-10-19T08:20:00.000-05:00

Reasons to Be Cheerful, part 3 (ever hear it?) – can’t remember the band…
1 – The Great PC Crash AND the also problematic replacement laptop!
2 – Little Tumor Cat
3 – Being STUCK – each step is so slow to completion (think uploads on dialup) I never get to the next. Is it the waiting that bores me into changing gears or is it my own inability to FOCUS? Bob says it’s because I care too much, that others just ignore their kids and do what they want. Hmmm, I wonder how they get their kids to ignore them?! Or do they just lock the door?
I never wanted (would be utterly mortified) to be the kind of mother who EXPLODES at the slightest aggravation but I do feel her inside me from time to time. It feels like complete failure – how could a child love a psycho-mom? What happened to my patience anyway? Oh yeah, that’s right, it's sitting at my PC waiting for the bloody sand to hit the bottom of the hourglass! I guess the issue boils down to priorities. When I used to DO all my sewing, knitting and whatnot I didn’t have a PC! Duh! So what now?

Am I a Stalker??

2005-10-12T08:00:00.000-05:00

Okay, here I am, wanting to focus on my kids and they’re suddenly not doing anything new! The Milestone Calendar is starting to look a little monotonous – no, it’s the filling it out I think that is getting a bit monotonous. Still, there will come a point won’t there, when they do stop advancing so dramatically every day. My sick habit of tracking them this way is already so engrained – how am I going to loosen its hold?

--clip from the milestone calendar-- (when I figure out how to post it! please help if you know how to put an .xls doc in a post.)

Perhaps it’s time for me to return to inspecting my own life and the brazen improvements needed there, no? I never really thought about these children of mine as the ultimate diversion, but aren’t they? Wow! I’ve really taken some time off…

Touch me!

2005-07-10T17:53:00.000-05:00

My latest touchable treasure is made from Paton's Carmen, absolutely the softest yarn you will ever feel. Me and my kids just love to hold (pet) the skeins. I carried one around in my purse for weeks having everyone that came within a few feet of me touch it. Now, I have a list of people to make scarves for!
A tiny disappointment is the Lavender color is just slightly less soft than the steel - so much for saving by mail order.

Hows It Going?

2005-06-20T07:01:00.000-05:00

So here we are 8 months into my SAHM career. Time for an evaluation? I probably shouldn’t; this thing is already filled with enough self-deprecation isn’t it? If I had to phrase everything positively though I wouldn’t be able to write at all, would I? How about some SAHM goals I want to work on? That sounds a little upbeat…

Mothering Goals - Less Yelling PLEASE! (ha ha) It’s starting to become a horrid habit and it appears to be seeping into my mom’s behavior too. Wolf is actually starting to use yelling purposefully when it looks like things aren’t going to go his way - I have to stop this!

Scrapbook Goal - um, MAKE a scrapbook! Quit hemming and hawing about e-format or whatever and just do SOMETHING! (This isn’t sounding very positive for a goal list.) Well, I do have the Milestone Calendar, a.k.a. the excruciating minutiae log - their every breath recorded in an Excel spreadsheet. Hey, let’s make lighten up a goal too, while we’re at it here.

Housekeeping Goals - It’s difficult to even formulate a goal for this. Declutter and get rid of the smothering excess... Put everything away... AND keep it all clean? Hmmm sounds easy, doesn’t it?

Garden Goal – Weed, restore and maintain.

Weight Goal - lose pregnancy weight (and hurry up Mattie’s almost two already!)

Let’s just say that I have quite a way to go before I can be remotely satisfied that I’m getting this SAHM thing to flow. Oh and let’s not forget about the whole home schooling thing too - somehow I have to squeeze that item in as well.

Monotony and Flow

2005-05-26T08:21:00.000-05:00

Why do I feel like I’m missing it? The kids’ childhoods are just whizzing by in front of my face while I’m buried in laundry and dishes. It seems like every time we step out of the house it somehow deteriorates by the time we return. A few fun activities with the kids and I spend the rest of my time getting the house back into semi-shape. It’s so unbelievably draining. I just feel like I clean all the time and now gardening season is upon us, with weeds that grow a foot a day!

When I was at work I had more time to reflect on this whole parenting thing – time away to miss them gave me time to have complete thoughts about them. Now, by the time I think of something to write I have to jump up and kiss a youchie or get some juice or whatever and then the thought is gone. Maybe I should dig out the paper journal again for a while. I guess if I had a job writing, I would make myself sit down and write instead of cleaning or checking e-mail…

Mattie at the Zoo was great. She got really excited just seeing the animals, especially the elephants. She loved brushing the goats in the childrens’ zoo and probably would have stayed for hours if I didn’t see a goat pee a big puddle of pee and then turn around and drink it! No splashing in those puddles please! Wolfie was just so happy to sit in Liam’s wagon with him – not that the thrill of the zoo is gone, just the thrill of independence rings louder in his little ears.

I suppose another issue is the hospital (or hostable as Wolf calls it). We’ve been going there almost every day for 2 weeks now to see Granny. She smiles so brightly whenever she sees her great grandchildren. It's really the only thing I have to give her, so I bring them as often as I can and struggle to keep them ‘entertained’ for the 30 minutes or so that we can stay before I lose it. ‘Let’s All Go to The Potty’ is a great game we play almost every visit. Public potties are Wolf’s newest obsession – wherever we go he has to go – and that’s a request you just can’t say no to, isn’t it?

Struggle is an interesting word – so much of my current existence feels that way. At what point in my SAHM career will things begin to actually flow? It’s hard to get even the daily necessities completed – groceries are a struggle. I thought I had it down, until potty training. Now, at any moment the shopping experience MUST be put on hold to answer the call, “Mama, I have to go POTTY!” And run, don’t walk to the potty, it’s always on the opposite side of the store from where we are. Our last trip was quite special with Mattie joining in the potty fray and me without a diaper. As I turned toward the bathroom, I got a whiff of the smell from the cab – Mattie had definitely made a diaper and I left the bag in the car. I even steered down the diaper aisle and thought of buying a pack, but they weren’t on sale and I knew I had a whole megapack at home. So, how cheap am I? Well, after we got Wolf handled, I put Mattie up on the changing platform and dug right in there with a huge wad of toilet paper. Well, several wads of paper since this was the corn diaper. Corn at dinner always yields a rather full diaper peppered with the swallowed-whole stuff sometime around 12 hours later. I walked right into Jewel with a ticking time bomb, unarmed. Is that my problem? Do I create my own struggles by thinking it should be easy?

Medicine Lessons

2005-03-31T22:44:00.000-06:00

Will I never learn about the evils of Ibuprofen on an empty stomach? Wolf started coming down with a cold yesterday, and of course, Grama and Rachel and I still dragged him off to Jeepers anyway since it was our plan. I’m sure he would have enjoyed it a lot more and made much better use of his wristband if he wasn’t stumbling around in his cold-induced mini-stupor. I gave him some Motrin before bed to bring his little (101) fever down, hoping it would last longer than the Tylenol. He wound up coming upstairs around 2:30 a.m. or so to sleep with (read ON) me, the Mama pillow. We got up together at 6:30 a.m. to watch TV on the couch and get him some medicine.

As I was pouring the Motrin, Wolf said, “My puke doesn’t like that kind, Mama.” I reply, “No, that’s only at night, Wolf.” So what, maybe 10 minutes later, he cries this panicked pre-puke cry on the couch and I frantically shove my hands under his mouth to catch it. Then a little more crying, 85 million “I’m so sorry honey”s and one more ‘catch’ in the kitchen and all the awful medicine was finally down the drain. Now listen to this! NO IBUPROFEN ON AN EMPTY STOMACH EVER!!!!

MY KINGDOM FOR A COMMENT!!!

2005-03-20T07:11:00.000-06:00

Talk about side-tracked! I set up this web page on blogger and can now think of nothing but acquiring a comment. And not just a ‘you suck’ comment or ‘nice site’ either – I actually believe that I’ll receive some apt literary critiques! That someone I don’t know may stumble upon my writing and be struck by one of these deep thoughts that I hide in here all the time. Is that what SAHM’hood has done to me – made me so hungry for recognition?

Well, I suppose it has. Anytime I’ve been pissed at DH it’s usually been over me doing so much and him not caring/commenting/recognizing it. And your children certainly can’t give you adult quality recognition can they? Although Wolf has taken up the sweet sweet habit of hugging me and saying “I love you Mama.” That is the ultimate mom-thrill, even when he’s only doing it to counter you being mad at him for some transgression or other like peeing in his Pull-up.

So, here I am starving: MY KINGDOM FOR A COMMENT!!! Since starting this blog, I’ve spent the majority of my free time (i.e. when the kids are sleeping) on the PC obsessing about feedback. I’ve researched traffic advice, added ads and clicked on a number of other blogs hoping to be touched enough to leave them comments, of course begging reciprocation. But I really haven’t found any that I care about (except all the knitting ones out there – awesome!) I guess that’s the trick to it, I really ought to stick to writing for myself and then perhaps, if I come up with something good, then throw it out there and see what happens but not really care if anyone else likes it or not because I already do.
>^.^<

An Ugly Period

2005-03-16T23:52:00.000-06:00

I think I’ve subconsciously been avoiding writing about Wolfie’s defiant period because it’s not exactly pretty. But, since this is all about the real Wolf, his defiance is a part of him, one that I have a lot of trouble understanding. It started Feb. 1^st over taking a bath. He refused to get in the tub and I wound up forcibly standing him in it and hurriedly dumping water over his crying screaming form – an ugly scene. Since then he’s picked various times and places to assert himself with loud crying and pulling or pushing against you (OMG! A tantrum!?!) – most of the time it’s not in public, except for Walmart by Becky’s house where he decided he didn’t want to go in once we got just past the cash registers.

I thought I was getting a handle on it with time-outs (which really means making him sit alone in his room until he stops crying.) He can’t stand to be alone, so this really registers with him. He’s gone from several outbursts a day to just one or sometimes none. Whew? Still, he freaked last night when he had to come upstairs and put his PJ’s on (not enough warning maybe?) And then, hopefully the last battleground of this period is actual sleep itself. Wolf refuses to fall asleep ‘on purpose’ – he won’t allow himself to be still long enough. He demands that I sit at his bedside, “Mama can I have you for just a little bit?” It sounds so utterly sweet when I write it, but when you’re actually sitting there nodding off yourself and all you want to do is go to bed, you feel a bit differently. Once I said no and left the room and he literally screamed bloody murder for half an hour, while I yelled ‘Go to sleep!’ from the living room – I have no idea how Mattie slept through it – a really ugly scene. AND the remedy was I STILL went in and knelt by his bed!!

I tell him, “Close your eyes or I’m leaving,” and he complies but dances his little hands around in the air ever so slightly – just enough to keep him from drifting off. I plead with him in clear desperation, “What can I do to help you go to sleep?” to no avail. If he does ‘allow’ me to leave (only on the promise I’ll be back to check on him) he just comes out. Sometimes I let him sit with us on the couch for a few minutes thinking that will help. Last night it did not. I finally left his room at 11:25 and he was still awake. I told him that we’re not doing this anymore and tomorrow there would be a spanking if he didn’t cooperate with going to sleep…

Refreshment

2005-02-17T17:18:00.000-06:00

5:18 pm – naptime – solace? Didn’t the Nazi’s torture their prisoners by making them move huge mountains of boulders and rocks from one corner of the prison yard to the other, only to have to move them back again? And this pointless-ism broke people. I totally understand it. Not that I’m saying motherhood (specifically SAHM’hood) is akin to torture, just that it includes a grossly consuming amount of seemingly pointless repetition. Seemingly is important here because you really cannot be there for your kids if you are not there to answer the 300 daily why questions or return the cups to their nest time after time or constantly repeat the instructions for oral hygiene, etc., well I’m sure you get the idea.

At the beginning of the month I was lost in and to this very concept. I knew for certain that I love my children and wanted to prioritize my life to be there for them, but agonized over why I found it so unsatisfying and even, at times frustrating. Today, I have been renewed and my patience supplies replenished. Yes, patience is a commodity like orange juice that can be depleted and refilled. My dear husband refilled it yesterday by taking the kids out on his own for the better part of the day. Now their absence of course, freed me to do anything I wanted. Yet, I felt such immense guilt over being home alone that all I could do was housework. I kept thinking I needed to do something that I could not do with them home. But even that gave me the attitude adjustment I needed because I felt so refreshed and happy to see them all when they returned.

I suppose my satisfaction in SAHM’hood comes from personal pride in being there for my family. And it flies right out the window, the minute I begin to martyr myself by thinking I’m doing it all alone.

A Big Banana Poopie

2005-02-05T23:43:00.000-06:00

“It’s a big banana poopie Mama!” Wolfie exclaimed enthusiastically as he viewed his achievement in the McDonald’s kids’ toilet.
‘God Bless the McDonald’s kids toilet!’ I thought to myself. Of course after our initial excitement wore off and I finally stopped hugging him, we had to discuss why it was green with little black dots all over it too (kiwis). That was a week ago Wednesday and since then, we’ve only had two poops in diapers: one the following day and one at church when I had left him in the nursery with Mattie. Oddly, we’ve been having a few more ‘peeps in the Pull-ups’ than usual but hey, I’ll take it!

So, I wonder, could this be it? Is he really potty trained? (Actually, I believe they’re using ‘learned’ nowadays, since ‘trained’ has such a gross animal feel to it I guess.) - Sarcasm, if you couldn’t tell -

Crankiness & me

2005-02-01T17:21:00.000-06:00

5:21 p.m. - naptime - my only time alone. Sigh. Argh!! What happened to January? I am so very cranky today. Wolf has begun a stage of utter defiance (at least I hope it’s a stage!) and it’s just wearing me down. Combo that with little Mattie Screaming-Mimi and OMG what was I thinking!?! NO, I do so love my kids, it’s just that I’m becoming so weary of nothing going easily my way anymore - not even a trip to the store without an argument with one of them over putting on shoes or coats. Am I not the adult here?

I dreamt of documenting the sweet peaceful bliss of SAHM life in a poignant journal, complete with beautiful pictures, but alas, all I can seem to manage is to take a few pictures and make hurried notes of teeth eruptions and potty poops. It’s not what I thought it was going to be at all and I am definitely NOT in control of anything more than meals and occasionally clean dishes. I must be depressed because I cannot do anything more - I just look around and feel sick - I feel like crying right now but won’t since there’s really no point to that either is there? Could I be getting my period? Could all this emotional upheaval be merely PMS? I certainly hope so cuz I just can’t stand it! I desperately need an attitude adjustment!!

SAHM'hood is like...

2004-12-25T22:52:00.000-06:00

Being a stay-at-home-mom feels a lot like living in another country. I have fond memories of friends I used to work with and nostalgia for my old daily routines like driving to and from the office, alone with the radio for a whole hour every day! Yet immersed as I am in the constant demands of a 15-month old and three-year-old, my former working life has faded quickly away.

I am most surprised by the difficultly of this new job, by how the simplest tasks of rising, dressing and eating breakfast can consume the whole morning. I still have trouble getting the three of us out of the house before 9:30 a.m. I am also surprised by how little time I have to make a note of Wolfie or Mattie’s latest accomplishments - and how quickly the days run together so I forget who did what when! I honestly thought by Christmas I would have redecorated every room in the house and sent out so many pictures of the kids that everyone would have my e-mail address blocked from their address books. So that offers a little explanation as to why you haven’t seen Wolfie’s very grown up 3-year picture.
See: www.catfamilywebsite.com

A few days I have felt completely exasperated, particularly when I was trying desperately to do a particular important thing like folding laundry or go somewhere special like to the portrait studio for 3-year pictures. I’m learning a lot about reading my kids to gauge their readiness for a particular activity and finding that a little flexibility goes a long way - even if it’s just waiting until the end of a show to leave the house. I’m also becoming the queen of fruit snacks and diversions. My very best tip so far is to save the toy aisle at the grocery store for last - they get a reward for being good and you get a little time to sort through your coupons and make sure you got everything on your list.

Most days though I feel so blessed and lucky that I am able to bask in the joy of childhood every day: Mattie’s pride in walking or covering her eyes for peek-a-boo, Wolfie’s wild abandon on his trapeze or can’t-keep-still thrill at petting one of the cats. Mattie’s tiny voice saying ‘Maa maaa’ is the sweetest sound, especially 50 times a day. Even hearing Wolf say ‘Mama!’ 300 times a day still reminds me of my joy when he first said it.

I live now on the other side of the world in this small cocoon of love, where I’m free to wrestle on the floor, have hour-long tickle-fests and make endless play-dough pizzas. Someday I might get around to sending out postcards or attempting some other adult-type connection, but for now my life is completely full with just loving these kids.

Mothering @ 11 mos.

2002-12-01T23:50:00.000-06:00

Taking Wolfie out of the house to his first few doctor appointments felt like some of the greatest challenges we had ever faced. Each outing was planned well in advance and by planned, I think I really mean dreaded with great apprehension. There was no way either one of us would even think of taking the boy out of the house without the other. The transition seems completely amazing to me since now, we take him everywhere without a second thought.

As much as my son has grown and developed over the past 11 months, I realize I have too. I’ve stopped wondering what happened to my life and truly become a mother. I've gained a bit of much-needed confidence and learned some wonderful things along the way:

You have never felt anything as soft as the tender feeling of your baby’s tiny hand wrapped around your finger.
Parenthood is indeed an experience like no other, whose joys defy description. Think understatement.
Nothing can chase away workday agnst faster than your baby’s sweet giggles.
You can tell what a person’s real priorities are by what they do when their baby finally naps. Mine are: 1-go to the bathroom, 2-eat something, 3-check e-mail.
The clichés are true: they do grow up SO fast!

A Mother's Love

2001-12-31T23:12:00.000-06:00

I have not really known love, until now. In my son I have found a part of myself that I never knew existed. It has the same warmth and affection as the love I feel for my husband, family and friends, but it is far more intense. The love I have for my son is truly unconditional and that is why I’ve never felt it before. No matter how I have professed to love in the past, I have always been prepared to abandon that love if it was not reciprocated or somehow ceased to benefit me. The love I have for my son will continue until I draw my last breath, whether or not it is returned and regardless of whether he deserves it.

Today my son is six days old and I cannot bear even the thought of his death without feeling the intense pain of it. And I cannot even comprehend taking the life of my son by my own hand for any reason, even to spare the life of my husband or mother, let alone to spare the life of someone who hates me. Yet this is what God has done for each of us in Christ, His Son who is far more precious and unique than any earthly son could ever be. I don’t think that concept has ever been so clear to me.